Game Theory: Would Super Mario Win the Olympics?

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At the end of this year's Olympics in Rio, we were all SHOCKED to see the Prime Minister of Japan jump out of a human-sized green pipe, dressed as Mario, and declare that the 2020 Olympics will be in Japan! His announcemenet made me wonder, just how would good old Mario fare at the Olympics? It seems like he'd crush the competition, but science might have something else to say about it. So does Mario take home the gold, or does he unexpectedly not even make it into the winner's circle?

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This video was sponsored by Audible, but all opinions and experiences are my own.